i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
