u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize