Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
