i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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