im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
