Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize