fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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