At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
