I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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