Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm like, not good at living.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
