forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
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