it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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