he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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