I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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