i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
