Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I love you.
Bad choice
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
