Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
