Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
