You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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