Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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