I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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