he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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