....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
