After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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