Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Do vagina's smell?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
