the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize