You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
