I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
