Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
