when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
