He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
