Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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