wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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