So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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