Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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