So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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