his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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