ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize