Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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