OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize