How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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