i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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