My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
