i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Boobs are out for the taking
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
