white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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