Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
