and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
