I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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