Already got asked if we're dating
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
