Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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