Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
