I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The ass gains better be worth it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
