In America we eat man semen.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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