I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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