i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize