Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
