I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
