Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
