I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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