she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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