So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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