You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
