3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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