so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
