You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
