What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
