I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
