It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
