All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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