In the future we'll all be gay
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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