I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
