Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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