Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
