UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
