I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
