i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
