I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Welp...herpes.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
