wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
be right there i have to get my cape
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
