if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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