My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
