4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
