We won't sleep together?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
