My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
