Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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