Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
