I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
