I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
