life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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