I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
