I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
