Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
