Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
