Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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