At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
