But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
