My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
