just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Screwed.edu
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
