I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize