wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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