Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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