ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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